I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
