The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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