Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He better not be in your backpack
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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