Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
