A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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