You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize