you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
