I didn't shave. On purpose
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
