I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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