I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
