i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
