check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
