If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize