I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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