she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
