Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
