At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
