After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
