found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
