got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
