You made eat vitamins until I threw up
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
