who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
