No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
