He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
