She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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