You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
