I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
