Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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