I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
