i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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