I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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