I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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