JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
zippers are such a cool invention
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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