Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
