so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
