Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
