YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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