I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
