You really coming over, don't trick.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You are the jesus of drinking
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
