God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
