in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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