in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
