Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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