i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He better not be in your backpack
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
