i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
