I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
