All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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