She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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