Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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