Small penises have feelings too.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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