it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
