I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
