Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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