hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
