i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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