Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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