How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
