How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
