did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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