I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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