so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
