No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
