i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize