the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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