It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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