she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize
