sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
