Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
