Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
