i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize