bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
