so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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